Moody Thinking

Well, read the post below and you will see some of the struggles that Mandy and I have faced in moving to Knoxville. Some of these things have been resolved and some things still need to be settled, but we are confident that we are following God’s plan in making this move.

We have been incredibly blessed. God has clearly provided for us to follow his call, above and beyond any natural means. I feel a bit torn in making this statement because who am I to claim God’s blessing? Why should I think that God is blessing me above other people? I honestly struggle with guilt  because I feel like I am presuming on God’s grace when there are others that are much more deserving. The questions resounding in my mind is “Why did God bless me so much?”

A little background: this decision is the first time where Mandy and I are completely living on faith. We have had an easy life (with some struggles), but God has called us to a new life where we will literally dependent on his provision for “daily bread.” Living this way has caused us to ask God to provide for us in ways that we never have.

I realize of course that being alive at this moment is a work of God’s grace, and that the job I have had that has provided for my family is a work of God’s grace. In this situation, he is taking our family to a new level of faith that is exciting and terrifying all at the same time.

Here is how he has provided:

1. In a very tough climate for getting into graduate school, I received a Graduate Teaching Assistantship at the University of Tennessee. I am honestly not a very attractive candidate. I am not published and have no teaching experience. I have no idea why they accepted me. Also, this offer was the only one that could possibly open doors for my family to move, so we feel this offer was all a part of God’s plan.

2. The 1999 Toyota Camry my wife was driving was not big enough for our family even now. Our daughter’s car seat caused us to have to remove the passenger seat headrest and we have no storage space. Well, someone called and told us that they believe in what we are doing and want to help. Next thing we know, I am turning over my truck and we are given a 2007 Nissan Quest, above and beyond what we need.

3. I will need to work part-time in order to provide for the family. I interviewed in the last couple of weeks and have a tutoring job paying a great rate and I will have the opportunity to continue working with teenagers.

4. We own a house in Montgomery. We tried to sell it for several months and received no serious offers, culminating in an open house that netted 0 visitors. On July 5, at 3:00 pm, Mandy put our house for rent on Craigslist. On July 5, at 6:30 pm, we had a deposit down and an agreement in place. We really like the family that will be living at our house and are excited about the opportunity to bless them.

In thinking about these many blessings and the weird guilt I feel associated with them, I have learned that it is not up to me to be in the business of determining where God dispenses his blessings. He has given me so much and my only response should be “Thank You.” I think that the guilt I feel is some remaining pride where I want at least some reason in my control that earns God blessing. I struggle with the idea that I have not done anything to deserve these gifts.

And that is the point.

I have not done anything. Any attempt to try and justify God’s blessing for me leads to me trying to earn God’s favor. God is not my servant; I am his. I should be thankful for whatever blessings he gives me and ask for those same blessings for others. The answer to the resounding question of “Why has God blessed me so much?” is “God has blessed me so much out of his goodness and for his glory.” All of the other reasons are his.

Please forgive me for a bit of a rambling post because I am still trying to wrap my head around all that God is doing. Please pray for us as we need to settle on a place to live by Saturday and begin planning our move. Pray also for us to continue to believe in God to meet our needs, especially when we seem to have no answers. God has promised and he continues to deliver on these promises.

P.S. I should also add that God has already begun to develop relationships with friends in the area. One family we met through a friend emailing Mandy after she wrote a blog post about our move and they have been scouting houses for us in the area. Another family will be moving there next summer to work at a church. I also found out this week that a friend (and fellow blogger) from high school lives in Knoxville now and has offered to be our official Tennessee Welcoming Committee (shout out to http://meetthebuttrams.wordpress.com).  God continues to confirm that this is where he wants us to go.